To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
