she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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