I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
