I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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