I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
