I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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