I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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