After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
