my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
