I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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