11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
