I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
