I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign