four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
