Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...

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(586): Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him... http://tfl.nu/q62j

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(515): View more from Iowa

He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.

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(515): He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar. http://tfl.nu/v158

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(813): View more from Florida

I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?

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(813): I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins? http://tfl.nu/vjtk

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(479): View more from Arkansas

How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.

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(479): How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her. http://tfl.nu/z3i9

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

..im mad u rememberd about that

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(732): i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt (1-732): ..im mad u rememberd about that http://tfl.nu/q0le

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(919): View more from North Carolina

if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever

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(919): if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever http://tfl.nu/s664

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"

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(401): No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out" http://tfl.nu/ac7g

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(61): View more from Australia

Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

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(61): Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed http://tfl.nu/qr9l

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(503): View more from Oregon

I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..

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(503): I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions.. http://tfl.nu/v6no

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(541): View more from Oregon

I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!

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(541): I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed! http://tfl.nu/rzlj

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(916): View more from California

But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.

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(916): But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening. http://tfl.nu/sf5x

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(613): View more from Ontario

Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo

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(613): Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo http://tfl.nu/26vh

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(858): View more from California

I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?

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(858): I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again? http://tfl.nu/4q23

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(903): View more from Texas

So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me

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(903): So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me http://tfl.nu/8jt8

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(352): View more from Florida

a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.

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(352): a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window. http://tfl.nu/ast5

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