I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.