Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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