My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.