just come out here and I will go home with you...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?