It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
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I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove