At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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