This girl is more easily done than said...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
