I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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