C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
