do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
