last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
