anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
