That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
