Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
