Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
