What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
