she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
