You're a womanizer and a bitch.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
