she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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