It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
