you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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