You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
