corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
