evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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