i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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