Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
