So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
