He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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