At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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