she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
