If i come over, it means nothing
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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