i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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