I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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