I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
