I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
