If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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