my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
