Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
