Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
