Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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