i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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