I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
