I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize