69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
