Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize