OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
