oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
