I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
