She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
