I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize