when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
