I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
