her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
