I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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