I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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