thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
