where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
