is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
its liver damage thursday
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
