If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I love black thongs
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
