So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
