woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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