can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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