omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize